U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
