Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
