I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
