Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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