I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
