i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you win again, gameday.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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