we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
