***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
