his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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