Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
