I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
