office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
