Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
