I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
