I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
