I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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