brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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