Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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