I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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