Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
