please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
