I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
