so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
