i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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