He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
