i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
