Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
