Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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