This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
