we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
