Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
