Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
