So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Text me some of your sweat
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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