Michael Bay diarrhea
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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