it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
