made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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