That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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