Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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