don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
