I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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