is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
