come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
