I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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