hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
