are you still at the devil's house?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
