Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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