Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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