Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
