So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
