Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
